Cuffed (Part 2)
Oct. 30th, 2009 02:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ante_luceTitle: Cuffed (Part 2)
'Verse: G1 Transformers
Characters: Ensemble.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: TF cussing. Crack. Dialogue only.
"… Ow.”
“That’d be the dent in your helm from when it decided to make friends with the floor. Stay still, Ratchet says you shouldn’t get up until he’s had a chance to run a scan on your CPU with you awake. Apparently, this was one of your more spectacular crashes.”
“Jazz- Oh. Slag.”
“Aw, c’mon Red. It’s not all that bad. Sure, manoeuvring about’s gonna be interesting, and I imagine Prowl and I will be spending a lot of time in your security room, but-”
“Refresh my memory. Why are we cuffed to each other? Specifically, why am I handcuffed to you?”
“Sideswipe. And before you say it, Prowl has dibs. You’ll have to settle for disrespecting the mech’s remains.”
“What did he do?”
“Mech found another pair of these cuffs and decided to bring them to Wheeljack so he could take a look at it and maybe figure out a way to get us loose. Jack’ called me in to take a look see, and Prowl came along because he couldn’t do anything else. You were in there looking at the upgrades being planned for the camera network and Sides’ tripped-”
“He slipped.”
“Slipped, thanks Prowl, on a patch of something that had spilled onto the floor and went crashing into you. I tried to catch you, forgot about Prowl being on my other arm, resulting in our SIC being yanked over and tumbling all five of us into one great big happy disaster.”
“You ‘forgot’ you were handcuffed to Prowl.”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds, but Prowl’s kinda quiet, which helps.”
“… Primus, why do you hate me?”
“Look on the bright side, Red.”
“… What bright side?!”
“The base will never know what hit them.”
“No. No way, no how, no. You unlock this cuff and you do it now. I am not going to join in on your… shenanigans. Have you forgotten that we’re fighting a war? You want to cause havoc, fine, I can allow minor infringements for the sake of morale, but I Refuse. To. Take. Part.”
“… But we miss you.”
“… Damn you, Jazz. Damn you so very much.”
= = =
“You know, I never thought you would yield that quickly.”
“I’m manacled to Jazz. It’s easier to give in and get whatever notion he has in his processors over and done with.”
“That… won’t be for a while yet, judging by the cackling he tends to slip into.”
“All the more reason to get started now. Anyway, is he done?”
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Jazz? Can we have our arms back, or do you still need to tweak that device?”
“M’done.”
“Good, because I think I hear Bluestreak approaching.”
“According to the cameras, Optimus is with him.”
“Oh, very good.”
“… Prowl. You look really scary when you smile like that.”
“I’m glad you’re between him and me.”
“I’m hurt, you’d think I was planning to do you harm.”
“Well, what are you planning then?”
“Considering that both your arms are technically restrained…”
“Eep!”
= = =
“Prime? Is something wrong?”
“Bluestreak, could I trouble you to follow me while I check that room we just passed?”
“Uh… Okay?”
“Thank you.”
“… Optimus, everything looks alright to me. I mean, Prowl is working on a datapad, and Red Alert is looking at another datapad, and Jazz is fiddling with something and none of them seem have deactivated each other yet and they’re just ignoring one another like they usually do.”
“… Never mind, Bluestreak. It must have been my imagination.”
= = =
“Optimus, what can I do for you?”
“A systems scan, Ratchet. I believe I might have caught a virus or acquired a glitch.”
“Oh?”
“I thought I saw Jazz and Prowl… making out on a desk while Red Alert watched.”
“… Lie down, Prime.”
= = =
“Prowl, you’re a stinking tease. Least you could’ve done was follow through and actually kiss me.”
“My apologies, Jazz. I’ll do so next time.”
“And you made me drop what I was working on, now I’ll have to redo all … Next time?”
“Next time. Red Alert?”
“… Why the Pit not. Prime’s expression was priceless when it was just you two. Imagine what he’d look like if I jumped in.”
= = =
“Optimus, could you… What’s with the high grade?”
“I’ve been catching our SIC, TIC and security director in various compromising positions over the cycle. At least, I think I do, but then I look again and they’re as far away from each other as they can get. Ratchet’s scanned my CPU several times already, he says nothing’s wrong with me.”
“… I think it’s been too long since you last saw Elita. The handcuffs giving you ideas?”
“Ironhide, please don’t send my processors down that path.”
“You’ve gotta wonder though, why does Sideswipe have so many pairs of the things?”
“ ‘Hide.”
“When he finds that key, you should borrow them and go call on your femme.”
“ ‘Hide!”
= = =
“… Huh. Someone fixed the rec room.”
“I think the green just wore off. And no prankster is insane enough to do anything to it when Prowl, Jazz and Red Alert are recharging in there.”
“Why are they recharging in the rec room?”
“Well, where would you find a berth big enough to fit all three of them?”
“… Why did Prime just run out?”
“Beats me. Must be something important.”
= = =
“Wheeljack, Ratchet, Ironhide. We need to get them separated. Now.”
“I agree. The pranks have only gotten worse since our security director’s been tied up with Jazz and Prowl.”
“Prime, are you alright? You twitched abruptly just now.”
“I’m fine, Ratchet. Wheeljack, you were saying?”
“The pranks have gotten worse. Sideswipe changes colour and… texture so often his own brother can’t recognise him sometimes. Someone set off a flare near my lab, causing that stampede earlier this cycle. The wash racks are filled with yellow bubbles that leave the bot that touches them the same colour. The med bay’s tools were all painted fluorescent orange-”
“Now that, I don’t really mind. Makes it easier to dodge incoming wrenches.”
“Well, maybe if I didn’t need to throw them at you, you wouldn’t have to duck them so much, Ironhide.”
“Anyway. We need the mechs who help keep the crew in line able to do so once more. So, if Ratchet doesn’t mind drastic measures, I could try to cut or melt the restraints.”
“Will it end with one or more of them losing a hand?”
“… Um… I don’t think so?”
“Hey, what’s that under your desk, Ratchet?”
“Looks like a datapa- Argh!”
“Wow. I didn’t know you could make explosions that painted patterns at the same time.”
“It seems our prankster is rather loyal to the cause.”
“The Autobot logos are quite fetching, don’t you think?”
“They do go with his colours very well.”
“Wheeljack.”
“Yeah, Ratch’?”
“Get them free in any way you can, I’ll fix whatever you frag up.”
“Uh, this a bad time? Wow, nice paintjob, Ratchet.”
“Don’t start, Jazz. Wait. How are you…?”
“Oh, we found a key that looked like it’d fit and decided to try it. And whaddaya know. In any case, Red Alert’s locked himself in with his precious monitors, Prowl’s in his office catching up on work, and I’m about to go do the same. Seeya!”
“… Well. I feel strangely thwarted.”
= = =
“Well?
“… Fine. We can do it again.”
“Great!”
'Verse: G1 Transformers
Characters: Ensemble.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: TF cussing. Crack. Dialogue only.
"… Ow.”
“That’d be the dent in your helm from when it decided to make friends with the floor. Stay still, Ratchet says you shouldn’t get up until he’s had a chance to run a scan on your CPU with you awake. Apparently, this was one of your more spectacular crashes.”
“Jazz- Oh. Slag.”
“Aw, c’mon Red. It’s not all that bad. Sure, manoeuvring about’s gonna be interesting, and I imagine Prowl and I will be spending a lot of time in your security room, but-”
“Refresh my memory. Why are we cuffed to each other? Specifically, why am I handcuffed to you?”
“Sideswipe. And before you say it, Prowl has dibs. You’ll have to settle for disrespecting the mech’s remains.”
“What did he do?”
“Mech found another pair of these cuffs and decided to bring them to Wheeljack so he could take a look at it and maybe figure out a way to get us loose. Jack’ called me in to take a look see, and Prowl came along because he couldn’t do anything else. You were in there looking at the upgrades being planned for the camera network and Sides’ tripped-”
“He slipped.”
“Slipped, thanks Prowl, on a patch of something that had spilled onto the floor and went crashing into you. I tried to catch you, forgot about Prowl being on my other arm, resulting in our SIC being yanked over and tumbling all five of us into one great big happy disaster.”
“You ‘forgot’ you were handcuffed to Prowl.”
“It’s not as easy as it sounds, but Prowl’s kinda quiet, which helps.”
“… Primus, why do you hate me?”
“Look on the bright side, Red.”
“… What bright side?!”
“The base will never know what hit them.”
“No. No way, no how, no. You unlock this cuff and you do it now. I am not going to join in on your… shenanigans. Have you forgotten that we’re fighting a war? You want to cause havoc, fine, I can allow minor infringements for the sake of morale, but I Refuse. To. Take. Part.”
“… But we miss you.”
“… Damn you, Jazz. Damn you so very much.”
= = =
“You know, I never thought you would yield that quickly.”
“I’m manacled to Jazz. It’s easier to give in and get whatever notion he has in his processors over and done with.”
“That… won’t be for a while yet, judging by the cackling he tends to slip into.”
“All the more reason to get started now. Anyway, is he done?”
“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Jazz? Can we have our arms back, or do you still need to tweak that device?”
“M’done.”
“Good, because I think I hear Bluestreak approaching.”
“According to the cameras, Optimus is with him.”
“Oh, very good.”
“… Prowl. You look really scary when you smile like that.”
“I’m glad you’re between him and me.”
“I’m hurt, you’d think I was planning to do you harm.”
“Well, what are you planning then?”
“Considering that both your arms are technically restrained…”
“Eep!”
= = =
“Prime? Is something wrong?”
“Bluestreak, could I trouble you to follow me while I check that room we just passed?”
“Uh… Okay?”
“Thank you.”
“… Optimus, everything looks alright to me. I mean, Prowl is working on a datapad, and Red Alert is looking at another datapad, and Jazz is fiddling with something and none of them seem have deactivated each other yet and they’re just ignoring one another like they usually do.”
“… Never mind, Bluestreak. It must have been my imagination.”
= = =
“Optimus, what can I do for you?”
“A systems scan, Ratchet. I believe I might have caught a virus or acquired a glitch.”
“Oh?”
“I thought I saw Jazz and Prowl… making out on a desk while Red Alert watched.”
“… Lie down, Prime.”
= = =
“Prowl, you’re a stinking tease. Least you could’ve done was follow through and actually kiss me.”
“My apologies, Jazz. I’ll do so next time.”
“And you made me drop what I was working on, now I’ll have to redo all … Next time?”
“Next time. Red Alert?”
“… Why the Pit not. Prime’s expression was priceless when it was just you two. Imagine what he’d look like if I jumped in.”
= = =
“Optimus, could you… What’s with the high grade?”
“I’ve been catching our SIC, TIC and security director in various compromising positions over the cycle. At least, I think I do, but then I look again and they’re as far away from each other as they can get. Ratchet’s scanned my CPU several times already, he says nothing’s wrong with me.”
“… I think it’s been too long since you last saw Elita. The handcuffs giving you ideas?”
“Ironhide, please don’t send my processors down that path.”
“You’ve gotta wonder though, why does Sideswipe have so many pairs of the things?”
“ ‘Hide.”
“When he finds that key, you should borrow them and go call on your femme.”
“ ‘Hide!”
= = =
“… Huh. Someone fixed the rec room.”
“I think the green just wore off. And no prankster is insane enough to do anything to it when Prowl, Jazz and Red Alert are recharging in there.”
“Why are they recharging in the rec room?”
“Well, where would you find a berth big enough to fit all three of them?”
“… Why did Prime just run out?”
“Beats me. Must be something important.”
= = =
“Wheeljack, Ratchet, Ironhide. We need to get them separated. Now.”
“I agree. The pranks have only gotten worse since our security director’s been tied up with Jazz and Prowl.”
“Prime, are you alright? You twitched abruptly just now.”
“I’m fine, Ratchet. Wheeljack, you were saying?”
“The pranks have gotten worse. Sideswipe changes colour and… texture so often his own brother can’t recognise him sometimes. Someone set off a flare near my lab, causing that stampede earlier this cycle. The wash racks are filled with yellow bubbles that leave the bot that touches them the same colour. The med bay’s tools were all painted fluorescent orange-”
“Now that, I don’t really mind. Makes it easier to dodge incoming wrenches.”
“Well, maybe if I didn’t need to throw them at you, you wouldn’t have to duck them so much, Ironhide.”
“Anyway. We need the mechs who help keep the crew in line able to do so once more. So, if Ratchet doesn’t mind drastic measures, I could try to cut or melt the restraints.”
“Will it end with one or more of them losing a hand?”
“… Um… I don’t think so?”
“Hey, what’s that under your desk, Ratchet?”
“Looks like a datapa- Argh!”
“Wow. I didn’t know you could make explosions that painted patterns at the same time.”
“It seems our prankster is rather loyal to the cause.”
“The Autobot logos are quite fetching, don’t you think?”
“They do go with his colours very well.”
“Wheeljack.”
“Yeah, Ratch’?”
“Get them free in any way you can, I’ll fix whatever you frag up.”
“Uh, this a bad time? Wow, nice paintjob, Ratchet.”
“Don’t start, Jazz. Wait. How are you…?”
“Oh, we found a key that looked like it’d fit and decided to try it. And whaddaya know. In any case, Red Alert’s locked himself in with his precious monitors, Prowl’s in his office catching up on work, and I’m about to go do the same. Seeya!”
“… Well. I feel strangely thwarted.”
= = =
“Well?
“… Fine. We can do it again.”
“Great!”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 06:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 06:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 07:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 06:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-29 08:47 pm (UTC)*giggles madly* I love how all of the other officers are going insane. ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 06:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 02:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 06:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 01:03 pm (UTC)Poor traumatised Optimus! *pets and offers wash & wax coupons for Sideswipe* Jazz is a bad influence on EVERYONE XD
Thank you, you just totally made my horrible day more bearable ♥
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-01 01:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-30 08:53 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-01 01:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-10-31 05:02 am (UTC)I kinda see all three of them going 'frag no!' to letting Wheeljack having his way to the restraints attached to their arms.
So... are they gonna start pranking Decepticons now?
... I just had a mental image of Ravage setting off a prank meant for Sideswipe, then stumbling onto one meant for Mirage, etc and then topping it all up with getting an optic full of Prowl, Jazz and Red Alert... *ahem*... before marching back to Soundwave in his colorful, smelly, furry with a tutu glory and declaring he'll never spy on the Autobots again...
Brain what is wrong with you?
(no subject)
Date: 2009-11-01 01:24 pm (UTC)*gigglefits* Tutu? *gigglefits some more*
(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-28 07:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-01-28 08:09 am (UTC)