Destruction'verse Crack, mark II
Oct. 3rd, 2008 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ante_luceInspired by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ajremix's comment (below) on first crack ficbit.
Though, of course, now I'd like to see Scoop trying to explain it to Springer and HE already knowing.
"Well obviously with how little fight he put up with getting us the things we needed. You mean no one else noticed?"
Click for context.
Title: (None, or, crack bunny the second)
'Verse: Transformers.ajremix's Destruction'verse
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Utter. Crack. Not meant to be taken as canon in the Destruction'verse.
The cry was heard all throughout the ship when Scoop burst into the rec room.
“SPRINGER!”
“Ow! What’s the emergency?! We’re needed in some disaster zone? Xantium’s core got fragged? Ratchet’s on the warpath? Fireflight scraped a knee?”
“No! You won’t believe what I just overheard!”
“Well, talk.” The rest of the squad had started to congregate around their leader and the shovel.
“I heard Prowl and Jazz discussing the Wreckers, apparently he’s been pulling the strings from before they were created, and he’s practically fragging responsible for us existing in the first place!”
“What?” His audience seemed to find this hard to believe, and he repeated everything he’d overheard earlier.
“In short, the Wreckers were Prowl’s idea!” Scoop finished with a despairing wail. A brief pause descended on the gathering, only to be broken by Whirl’s frustrated snarl.
“Argh. You know what that means? Every time we flout orders, play pranks or otherwise try to tick that mech off, he’s sitting in his office being insufferably smug over the fact that it’s ‘cos of him that we’re even able to do so in the first place! And he’s probably even more smug now 'cos he knows we know that he knows that we know!”
“…You lost me at the first ‘know’.” A red and black mech (currently ‘visiting’) said in confusion, his twin brother (also ‘visiting’) shaking his head and offering something more palatable.
“Or you could see it another way, perhaps he’s kicking himself over the fact that he had a hand in creating his biggest pains in the aft?”
((Unbeknownst to the Wreckers and their guests, somewhere in the Hub Jazz was asking Prowl the same question.
“Actually, I was quite pleased with the formation of the Wreckers. Now all I have to do is send them off to some hot spot, far away, instead of having to pacify multiple commanders and deal with the paperwork generated by the transfer requests.”
“I take back what I said. You’re not a sneaky mech. You’re a really, really sneaky evil mech. Thank you for being on our side.”))
“Springer, you’re being remarkably calm over all this.” And indeed, the green mech was. After figuring out that nothing was going to blow up or needed to be blown up, their leader had settled down again and was leisurely going through a data pad.
“I knew they were his idea.”
“Wha?” Once again his crew were thrown by another revelation.
"Well, it was obvious. What with how little fight he put up with getting us the things we needed.” He looked up from his datapad. “You mean no one else noticed?"
Silence.
“Smokescreen always manages to get away with the not-even-in-sight-of-the-borderline illegal stuff he sells us.”
They were still silent.
“And Impactor might have said something about how Sentinel’s SIC wasn’t such a bad mech, just really fragging overworked with an aft for a boss and in need of some decent high grade and down time.”
More silence.
“What, you thought I managed to just luck into meeting all of my first team, as well as most of you guys, before I officially formed the Wreckers?”
The quiet was starting to get annoying.
“And that Optimus approved almost immediately, fresh in the post of Prime, without consulting Ironhide, Kup or Prowl, despite not knowing me from any random mech in the army?”
If they didn’t say something soon, someone was going to catch a datapad to the cranium.
“Always thought you were just extremely lucky.” Muttered someone. Sideswipe suddenly grinned widely.
“Apparently, you just have a sneaky fairy godmech who goes by the name of Prowl.”
“Oh Primus! That’s a priceless image!” His brother was not far behind in joining his jibing.
“Imagine that, every good thing to befall the Wreckers is ‘cos their fairy godmech is looking out for them!”
“So that’s why the Xantium is orange.” And the twins cracked up, air intakes howling to avoid overheating.
========================================
Sadly for the Wreckers (and Prowl), the jokes didn’t stop there.
For days after, Blaster played ‘Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo’ whenever Prowl was in his vicinity.
Another time, while Wreckers were in a briefing (one that they were late for), several prankster mechs who will remain unnamed, having found out about the fairy godmech thing from the Aerialbots, who found out from Fireflight and later, the twins, got to work. Ironhide, having happened upon them as they were cleaning up, could only say one thing.
“I had no idea you could paint a ship that fast.”
The mech grinned. “I had help. Prank inspired help is always especially available.”
“Lovely shade, what’s it called?”
The grin turned wicked. “Pumpkin Orange.”
The sound of approaching Wreckers caused the speedy evacuation of the area, leaving a bemused Ironhide staring at the now even more orange ship. He turned to see a group of very confused mechs, and couldn’t resist.
“Guess Prowl never warned you the Xantium would turn into a pumpkin if you don’t make it to things on time?”
========================================
On another occasion, while Prowl was discussing requisitions and the minutiae of running a base with Optimus, his datastyler was suddenly yanked out of his hand.
“Sideswipe!” The tactician was about to launch into a stern reprimand when the styler was shoved back in his direction, and he grasped it instinctively.
“… What’s this?” The data styler had suddenly acquired a star shaped accessory at its end. The grinning mech before him replied.
“Your very own magic wand!”
A very not-amused glare answered that, and Sideswipe elaborated.
“Well, you’ve already got the wings and the crown, oh Fairy Godmech.” Here he flicked Prowl’s chevron. “All you need is the magic wand!”
“There is no such thing as a fairy godmech, and I wish you would mute it.” The black and white mech jabbed in the prankster’s direction with the now decorated styler.
“Ha, doesn’t work that way, I think- hrkz.” Sideswipe’s vocaliser, only recently patched up by Ratchet after his neck had a nasty encounter with a set of Decepticon claws, failed.
Prowl (and the rest of their accumulated audience) eyed the data styler in his hand, as Optimus leant over.
“Prowl.”
“Yes sir?”
“I wish that the Decepticons would surrender.”
The SIC shot his Commander a Look, before answering dryly. “I’ve only been working on that the last hundred vorns sir. Some things take time and-” He was cut off by a message from a returning squad.
“Prowl, Trailbreaker, reporting in. Mission went over easy, and we got a group of ‘Con prisoners willing to defect.”
As the tactician buried his face in his palm, Optimus Prime solemnly continued. “… I should have been more specific, I think.”
“I need to go deal with this, excuse me.” By the time the rest of the mechs gathered enough wits to chase Prowl down and try to get their wishes granted (only half in jest), the SIC had vanished into thin air. Which, admittedly, did not help his case.
========================================
“Hey guys, you got a mission!”
“Finally! If I hear another fairy godmech Prowl joke I’m going to do something the others will regret.”
“Where are we going?”
“See for yourself.”
“Whoa, sweet!”
“… Slag.”
“What?”
“Look who signed off on the authorisation.”
“How does he fragging know we’re about to go nuts?”
“The tacticians have the best gossip network in the Autobot army.”
“Better than Ops?”
“Considerering who Ops reports to, yeah. Comes with the job description. They gotta know how the mechs they’re attached to are, who’s injured, what fighting capability they can muster, their mental state and interpersonal relationships, all that factors into what they do. And Prowl is the head honcho of the tactic-bots, they all report in to him. So he literally knows all and sees all.”
“I hate that mech. I really do.”
“And I bet he knows that too.”
ajremix's comment (below) on first crack ficbit. Though, of course, now I'd like to see Scoop trying to explain it to Springer and HE already knowing.
"Well obviously with how little fight he put up with getting us the things we needed. You mean no one else noticed?"
Click for context.
Title: (None, or, crack bunny the second)
'Verse: Transformers.
ajremix's Destruction'verseRating: PG-13
Warnings: Utter. Crack. Not meant to be taken as canon in the Destruction'verse.
The cry was heard all throughout the ship when Scoop burst into the rec room.
“SPRINGER!”
“Ow! What’s the emergency?! We’re needed in some disaster zone? Xantium’s core got fragged? Ratchet’s on the warpath? Fireflight scraped a knee?”
“No! You won’t believe what I just overheard!”
“Well, talk.” The rest of the squad had started to congregate around their leader and the shovel.
“I heard Prowl and Jazz discussing the Wreckers, apparently he’s been pulling the strings from before they were created, and he’s practically fragging responsible for us existing in the first place!”
“What?” His audience seemed to find this hard to believe, and he repeated everything he’d overheard earlier.
“In short, the Wreckers were Prowl’s idea!” Scoop finished with a despairing wail. A brief pause descended on the gathering, only to be broken by Whirl’s frustrated snarl.
“Argh. You know what that means? Every time we flout orders, play pranks or otherwise try to tick that mech off, he’s sitting in his office being insufferably smug over the fact that it’s ‘cos of him that we’re even able to do so in the first place! And he’s probably even more smug now 'cos he knows we know that he knows that we know!”
“…You lost me at the first ‘know’.” A red and black mech (currently ‘visiting’) said in confusion, his twin brother (also ‘visiting’) shaking his head and offering something more palatable.
“Or you could see it another way, perhaps he’s kicking himself over the fact that he had a hand in creating his biggest pains in the aft?”
((Unbeknownst to the Wreckers and their guests, somewhere in the Hub Jazz was asking Prowl the same question.
“Actually, I was quite pleased with the formation of the Wreckers. Now all I have to do is send them off to some hot spot, far away, instead of having to pacify multiple commanders and deal with the paperwork generated by the transfer requests.”
“I take back what I said. You’re not a sneaky mech. You’re a really, really sneaky evil mech. Thank you for being on our side.”))
“Springer, you’re being remarkably calm over all this.” And indeed, the green mech was. After figuring out that nothing was going to blow up or needed to be blown up, their leader had settled down again and was leisurely going through a data pad.
“I knew they were his idea.”
“Wha?” Once again his crew were thrown by another revelation.
"Well, it was obvious. What with how little fight he put up with getting us the things we needed.” He looked up from his datapad. “You mean no one else noticed?"
Silence.
“Smokescreen always manages to get away with the not-even-in-sight-of-the-borderline illegal stuff he sells us.”
They were still silent.
“And Impactor might have said something about how Sentinel’s SIC wasn’t such a bad mech, just really fragging overworked with an aft for a boss and in need of some decent high grade and down time.”
More silence.
“What, you thought I managed to just luck into meeting all of my first team, as well as most of you guys, before I officially formed the Wreckers?”
The quiet was starting to get annoying.
“And that Optimus approved almost immediately, fresh in the post of Prime, without consulting Ironhide, Kup or Prowl, despite not knowing me from any random mech in the army?”
If they didn’t say something soon, someone was going to catch a datapad to the cranium.
“Always thought you were just extremely lucky.” Muttered someone. Sideswipe suddenly grinned widely.
“Apparently, you just have a sneaky fairy godmech who goes by the name of Prowl.”
“Oh Primus! That’s a priceless image!” His brother was not far behind in joining his jibing.
“Imagine that, every good thing to befall the Wreckers is ‘cos their fairy godmech is looking out for them!”
“So that’s why the Xantium is orange.” And the twins cracked up, air intakes howling to avoid overheating.
Sadly for the Wreckers (and Prowl), the jokes didn’t stop there.
For days after, Blaster played ‘Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo’ whenever Prowl was in his vicinity.
Another time, while Wreckers were in a briefing (one that they were late for), several prankster mechs who will remain unnamed, having found out about the fairy godmech thing from the Aerialbots, who found out from Fireflight and later, the twins, got to work. Ironhide, having happened upon them as they were cleaning up, could only say one thing.
“I had no idea you could paint a ship that fast.”
The mech grinned. “I had help. Prank inspired help is always especially available.”
“Lovely shade, what’s it called?”
The grin turned wicked. “Pumpkin Orange.”
The sound of approaching Wreckers caused the speedy evacuation of the area, leaving a bemused Ironhide staring at the now even more orange ship. He turned to see a group of very confused mechs, and couldn’t resist.
“Guess Prowl never warned you the Xantium would turn into a pumpkin if you don’t make it to things on time?”
On another occasion, while Prowl was discussing requisitions and the minutiae of running a base with Optimus, his datastyler was suddenly yanked out of his hand.
“Sideswipe!” The tactician was about to launch into a stern reprimand when the styler was shoved back in his direction, and he grasped it instinctively.
“… What’s this?” The data styler had suddenly acquired a star shaped accessory at its end. The grinning mech before him replied.
“Your very own magic wand!”
A very not-amused glare answered that, and Sideswipe elaborated.
“Well, you’ve already got the wings and the crown, oh Fairy Godmech.” Here he flicked Prowl’s chevron. “All you need is the magic wand!”
“There is no such thing as a fairy godmech, and I wish you would mute it.” The black and white mech jabbed in the prankster’s direction with the now decorated styler.
“Ha, doesn’t work that way, I think- hrkz.” Sideswipe’s vocaliser, only recently patched up by Ratchet after his neck had a nasty encounter with a set of Decepticon claws, failed.
Prowl (and the rest of their accumulated audience) eyed the data styler in his hand, as Optimus leant over.
“Prowl.”
“Yes sir?”
“I wish that the Decepticons would surrender.”
The SIC shot his Commander a Look, before answering dryly. “I’ve only been working on that the last hundred vorns sir. Some things take time and-” He was cut off by a message from a returning squad.
“Prowl, Trailbreaker, reporting in. Mission went over easy, and we got a group of ‘Con prisoners willing to defect.”
As the tactician buried his face in his palm, Optimus Prime solemnly continued. “… I should have been more specific, I think.”
“I need to go deal with this, excuse me.” By the time the rest of the mechs gathered enough wits to chase Prowl down and try to get their wishes granted (only half in jest), the SIC had vanished into thin air. Which, admittedly, did not help his case.
“Hey guys, you got a mission!”
“Finally! If I hear another fairy godmech Prowl joke I’m going to do something the others will regret.”
“Where are we going?”
“See for yourself.”
“Whoa, sweet!”
“… Slag.”
“What?”
“Look who signed off on the authorisation.”
“How does he fragging know we’re about to go nuts?”
“The tacticians have the best gossip network in the Autobot army.”
“Better than Ops?”
“Considerering who Ops reports to, yeah. Comes with the job description. They gotta know how the mechs they’re attached to are, who’s injured, what fighting capability they can muster, their mental state and interpersonal relationships, all that factors into what they do. And Prowl is the head honcho of the tactic-bots, they all report in to him. So he literally knows all and sees all.”
“I hate that mech. I really do.”
“And I bet he knows that too.”
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Date: 2008-10-16 03:33 pm (UTC)